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[23 Oct 2009|01:45am] |
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I look at you, and I want to be a better person.
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[21 Oct 2009|12:40am] |
Why is it that I always want to be anywhere but here? Maybe my decision to go to nursing school isn't such a good one. I feel like I'm stuck here now. I don't know what else I can see myself going to school for. I don't know what else I could stand doing with my life. I know it's not here. And I sure as hell am not going to stay in this shitty state for the rest of my waste of life. I want to be excited about life but I'm not. I miss the way I felt when I was a kid. My birthday is on Friday and all I can think about is the fact that I don't want to be here anymore. I want to be happy and I'm not. He's mad at me again and I can't handle it. I'm so busy with school and I don't have fun anymore. I need another job so I can make more money so I can save up and get a car. I wish things were easier. I wish I hadn't crashed my car and I wish that the battery didn't die and I wish that the starter didn't die and I wish that I had the money to get my license back and a new car and all that cool stuff. I hate my life I really do.
Someone should probably be my friend. I could use a friend.
I just rambled. Sorry.
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[14 Sep 2009|12:12am] |
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I am not the end of the world; though, I would like to be.
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[12 Aug 2009|10:18am] |
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I wish she would just live up to what she said.
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[02 Aug 2009|11:35pm] |
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I'M ALWAYS AT A FUCKING STAND STILL.
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[02 Aug 2009|12:04pm] |
I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in.
I think this is the hardest it's ever been. Maybe it's everything that's going on right now.
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[28 Jul 2009|10:29pm] |
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I'm bad at sex and love and everything else.
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[23 Jul 2009|01:38am] |
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I'm thinking about all the wrong things
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[19 Jul 2009|02:23am] |
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Having the worst luck.
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[21 Jun 2009|09:59am] |
" I might have my money woes or whatever and things might not always be doing so good, but I'm fucking STOKED."
I love my father.
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[18 Jun 2009|06:19pm] |
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I'm worried that thinking too much about what I'm going to be will make me lose who I am, and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.
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[07 Jun 2009|01:08am] |
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Remember a time when things were good.
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[06 Jun 2009|10:16am] |
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Things just got real complicated, and no one knows but me.
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[01 Jun 2009|12:18am] |
I wonder how long it'll be until I feel completely alone again. Why am I even thinking about this right now? I guess I'm just sick of being alone.
There's still one person in the world that I want to believe me but they don't care.
Completely irrelevant. Whatev. I just can't stop thinking about it.
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[26 May 2009|10:43pm] |
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I remember when we were younger and you had life in your eyes and a heart in your chest. I miss thinking of you as something that I wanted to become. For the past 4 years, I have thought of you as something that I should avoid becoming; at all costs. I try not to think about it too much because it's just one of those things that I can't control; one of those things that will continue to happen no matter what I do. I want you to be better. I want to think of you as a good person again. I don't want to be afraid that you'll steal from me. I don't want to think of you as someone I hate. I don't hate you but most of the time I try my very hardest to. Sometimes I wonder what you could have been and I hate myself for not somehow talking you out of making bad decisions. I know it's probably stupid to think that I could have stopped you from ruining your life, but even though I'm two years younger I wish, wish, wish I could have done something to prevent this. I don't know you anymore and I hate that.
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[26 May 2009|05:07pm] |
It's just that I really do not want to wake up one morning and wonder who the fuck I am and where the fuck I'm going. I don't want to think it's okay just because I have a fucking hand to hold.
This has nothing to do with anyone; just in case you thought it did.
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[26 May 2009|03:50pm] |
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Everything is a fucking waste of time.
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[26 May 2009|12:31am] |
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I danced as hard as possible tonight and it was great.
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[21 May 2009|08:28pm] |
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I wrecked my car Tuesday morning on my way to Orlando. I hydroplaned and hit a tree. The whole drivers side is smashed in but it's still drivable. Seriously, the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. I really thought I was going to die. It was pretty lucky that I was wearing my seatbelt.
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[18 May 2009|09:40pm] |
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Sometimes when I'm mad, or hurt, or just upset I say things I don't mean.
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